The tools of self discipline Pt 1 ( with Chronic Illness)
Belonging: Attachment, loving, friendship, intimacy, cooperation, trust. Belonging means acceptance,
Creating a sense of belonging starts with accepting yourself, your illness and everything that comes along with living with chronic illness.
Having a sense of belonging improves your motivation, health and happiness. Your mind and body are connected. Happy mind, happy body. A sense of belonging is a human need that impacts your emotional and physical wellbeing. A strong sense of belonging adds value to a person’s life.
Having Chronic Illness changes your relationships, others may not understand your symptoms. You may have to reschedule meeting up with friends which can become frustrating with your friends and family. Feeling misunderstood affects your own sense of belonging, by slowly bringing down your self esteem, that can affect how you find your sense of belonging. Some find belonging with friends, some with family, and some with social media communities. Belonging doesn’t have to be a large number or group, or your own family, it could be belonging to a support group with others who are going through similar but it can be one or two people.
For some, belonging requires you to go out of your comfort zone and find people. One way to work on your sense of belonging, is to look for ways you are similar to others, rather than focusing on ways you are different. Another way to build your own sense of belonging is to work on acceptance of others (no judgement) and loving yourself. Know that you are accepted. Being validated for who you are builds you up. If you are validated for who you are, you become more confident within yourself, being open towards others who want to share their values and feelings.
Allow your own values and feelings, and others the space to be heard. Values and feelings need comfort, support, reassurance, grace and encouragement. Not only do you need comfort, support, reassurance, grace and encouragement but others in your circle need the same things. Don’t rush yourself and others to share and process, it takes time. As you hear other’s parts, you may be able to connect, and create a sense of belonging. To take action, let the other person talk, listen to what they say, respond with a ‘I hear you’. Write down everything you want to say so you remember the important points. Having a peer support network is a good place to go slow and catch up weekly. Understand that there’s no time limit of processing and making that connection. “Remember things are going to be ok, you can do this!”
Mastery; Achievement, success, creativity, problem solving, motivation, persistence, competence.
Asking for help is an opportunity for self growth! You need to learn this or that, how, why, what. Almost everyone struggles asking for help because we are taught that asking for help means you are weak, and you shouldn’t show your weakness. I think asking for help is actually a strength, because it shows you can be real about what is going on. I remember one time I had to go to the Emergency Department on my own, and was having a really tough time. I decided to call a friend and ask if they could ‘get me out of there’. One of my friends came and spent time with me until I was able to get a bed for the night. I will always remember the response of the person who I called — “you are so strong for asking for help”. Here are some more thoughts about asking for help:
It takes motivation and the ability to problem solve how the information you are given and how it will benefits you
You don’t know the outcome until you ask for help
Asking for help makes connections, who may become your primary support system and or community, that will help create your sense of belonging
Be open to showing your vulnerable side, as vulnerability can be powerful.
At minimum ask your doctor or specialist for information about the illness, you may be directed to a website and support group, another means to develop a sense of belonging.
Change your thinking too “why do I need help?” “Is this going to increase my knowledge of my illness and how it affects me
…To be continued in Part Two