Shamed, not ashamed — What I’ve learned from my journey in mental health
Mental Health Awareness week NZ is upon us, 7th–13th October.
“My advice to anyone with mental health difficulty is: honesty within yourself and those around you is very important when you are engaging in life changes or transitions.” -Shawn Maxam, HealthyPlace.com
Poor mental health once was shameful to have and admit to, but thank God today it’s becoming a more open subject. I grew up in the New Zealand mental health system and all through my childhood my mental health was never ‘there’. Poor mental health once was the unspoken illness that still affects so many millions around the world. In my adult life, I have still been part of the mental health system, and I have chosen to openly be proud of the shame. Stigma still affects us today. Have a think, how would you truly respond if you or your loved one were diagnosed with a mental illness?
For most of us, this news would still bring up a sense of shame, denial, and grief. Because there are so many feelings and ideas floating around, I thought, why not put it into an ‘ins and outs’ of mental health? So I have written this article to share my experience and what I have learned in the hope that it might help others to take charge of their own journey in mental health.
Mental health is defined as emotional, psychological, and social well-being, affecting how we think, feel, and act. It, therefore, helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. Mental health is important at every stage of life.
In this article, I have included facts of mental health, the most common mental illnesses people live with, as well as key coping strategies that I have learned and researched along the way on my journey. I have included the Circle of Courage framework that helped my own journey and when I worked alongside others who have had similar experiences.
Key Facts
One in five adults have experienced a mental health issue
One in ten young people have experienced a period of major depression
Many facts can contribute to mental health issues, such as genes, the trauma that you have experienced, chronic illness, and or brain chemistry
Five of the most common mental illnesses
Depression. Around three hundred million people suffer depression some time in their life.
Anxiety disorders. This can be caused by an array of factors, such as genetics, brain chemistry, and life experiences.
Bipolar Affective Disorder. It is also described as having manic and depressive episodes, with over sixty million people experiencing this worldwide.
Schizophrenia and other psychosis. Affecting 23 million people worldwide, symptoms are usually hearing voices paranoia and a distorted mind.
Dementia. Which can be progressive over time or chronic, causing failing of cognitive function, affecting at least twenty-three million people worldwide.
My story
The first eight months of my life were in a Romanian orphanage. I was then adopted into a New Zealand family, but I grew up in a stressful and abusive environment.
Around the age of 11, I was taken to see a psychiatrist and psychotherapist as it was believed I was severely mentally unwell. We had some therapy sessions with the whole family, where I felt I was ganged up on. My adoptive mother did all the talking to the mental health team, and it took a while before the team asked me how I was doing. I would feel so alone in the car ride back to our house after these sessions.
After some time of going back and forward to the Mental Health outpatients clinic, I was admitted to a mental institute for children, believing that I had serious mental health issues and I needed to be institutionalised.
Later, during the stage of me transitioning from my adopted home to my foster family, again no-one gave me the chance to express all of the feelings I felt at the time.
I have been in and out of the Mental Health system since.
I have suffered from severe bouts of depression, suicide attempts, self-inflicted cuts, psychotherapy, and have been on a wide variety of antidepressants and meds to help with anxiety. Recently I suffered PTSD when writing my autobiography.
In my high school years, I had an awesome youth worker who gave me a sanctuary, a break from the bullying and a chance to express how lonely and rejected I was feeling - I became part of their family.
As a young adult when I was studying youth work I learned about how it takes a ‘village to raise you’ and was introduced to the Circle of Courage framework, which enabled me to become more confident within myself and how I can use this framework in my own life, and share this lesson to others.
I have had many different types of health services and professionals vary from good to bad. There are many kinds of psychologists and counselors, so don’t stop with just one, keep going until you find the right one fits your needs. It is important that you get along, as with your ‘person’, since you are sharing your vulnerability.
I’m in a good headspace at the moment, and I surround myself with positive people where I feel a true sense of belonging. I try not to sweat the small stuff and choose what's worth fighting for — you have a choice to use your experience in a “feel sorry for me way” or “this is shit right now, but I’m alive, and I am seen as worthy by those people who ‘get’ me’.
Key coping strategies
Everyone has their own ways to cope with a diagnosis and during illness. Find out what works for you — it's likely to be a different combination for different people. Here is a collection of recommended coping strategies, many of which I use in my everyday life.
- Surround yourself with loved ones who you trust, and you can talk to openly helps (if you’re an external processor)
- Be kind to yourself, take time and effort to do something that you love and feel lively, maybe a hobby or catching up with friends over a meal or drink?
- Set goals that are reachable to achieve, like reading an article or doing a crossword puzzle
- Get into a routine, feed your pet in the morning, read the paper, have breakfast, work for a few hours…etc
- Use positive, uplifting words to say to yourself
- Start expressing your feelings either by starting a journal focussing on the positive parts of the day or breaking down the events/feelings you found hard, and the ways you could do next time
- Family and a sense of community around the person who has mental health issues can heavily influence the person’s recovery.
Circle of courage framework (http://www.circleofcouragenz.org)
The framework focuses on the ways that are important for self-development, wellness and community values in four aspects. It’s a great way of viewing the development of a young person (or any person) and I encourage you to check out the full framework using the link above. Here are the key points:
Generosity. How sharing your story can give hope to others who are going through similar experiences.
Belonging. Building your support network around you.
Mastery. How you can use tools that help you through a tough time.
Independence. Allowing yourself to grow and learn, and become more confident within yourself and knowing that you are OK.
Never feel like you’re a burden, it’s ok to ask for help. Being vulnerable shows strength - you are showing your honest self, and being honest allows you to get the right help you need.
Further reading
Experiencing PTSD and Depression
My autobiography: https://www.amazon.com/My-Beautiful-Trauma-Either-Break/dp/1543495206
References