Building self-confidence with chronic illness

“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”- Theodore Rosevelt

Before I suffered a stroke and was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, I would walk everywhere, in any type of weather. I was very fit and had all the energy in the world despite living with SLE Lupus. Now, when I walk my joints and muscles flare up causing chronic pain or, I suffer one of my ‘seizures’ in public, which tells me that I have ‘overdone’ it. Just when I thought I loved myself and accepted this ‘new normal, another symptom from the various illnesses I live with, would break out and dampen my self-esteem, and my thoughts began as “Why can’t I live my life without my illnesses,” Why can’t I live the life I once had? I use words such as “my old normal,” to “my new normal.” mindset. I keep saying this, but it’s true. Having Chronic Illness changes your life! You have to come to terms with having Chronic Illness, and understand how the ‘illness’ affects your body and day to day. You have this illness, and on top of that, you will need to have medication to help minimise the activity of your illness, however they come with side effects that may alter your appearance or make you feel unwell, these side effects dampens your self confidence. It is so important for sanity sake, that you try and keep loving yourself, so you will look after yourself, allowing yourself to have the best life possible. Building your confidence and self esteem, doesn’t take a day, or hour, it may even take up a lifetime. Here are ways to help you build your confidence.

List your strengths and achievements

• Do this with someone you trust and feel comfortable with, or if you want to do it yourself, then go ahead.

• Keep the lists in a safe place and try to read them every day when you wake up in the mornings

• Direct your attention somewhere else, that’s a positive! How about challenging your thinking and focus on the good stuff that’s happened or is happening right now. Are you wanting to become a better person? Focus on the positives like past successes and how you can be the best person you can possibly be.

• Keep up your hygiene routine

• Choose a body wash / soap and shampoo and conditioner that smells good and makes you take pride about yourself

• Wear your favourite bra. Perfume or body spray

• Do everything that makes you feel good.

• Exercise regularly

• It doesn’t have to be a vigorous workout, it could just be walking to your letterbox

• releases endorphins, happy hormones

• Join a walking group, invite friends and family

• It can reduce stress and pain

Ensure your getting enough sleep

• Begin to have a night routine.

• My night time routine is from 6.30–7pm I take my night meds, I have my night time drink. I watch a series, or movie, and I fall asleep around 10.30–11pm, and I get up the next morning at 8ish

Make your living space homely, clean comfortable, and attractive

• Un clutter and taking pride in your living space, which will boost your mood

Take time out daily to do something that you love and makes you feel alive

• Be kind to yourself and find ways to build happiness and positive emotions into your life whether it is through meditation, writing, or playing a game, getting into your hobby, catching up with friends over a meal or drink or anything else. These activities can help decrease stress and help show a few smiles, by giving you something positive to think of. When people are happy they develop new skills, those skills lead to a new success, which results in more happiness, and the process repeats itself.

Get artistic

• Read or write genres you enjoy,

• Start learning an instrument

• Watch your favourite movie

• Potter in your garden, Smell the roses! Good smells send off positive endorphins to the brain https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5198031/)

• Meet with friends

• These activities encourage you to express yourself, therefore, you should get more confident the longer you partake in these activities.

Set yourself a challenge

• What is something you have always wanted to do? Go out and do it!

• Complete a project that you’ve been putting off! Now is the time to finish it!

Give back and practice loving yourself

• Try and focus on something you are thankful for. I know it’s hard to think of one when you are facing many challenges. Have you got a good support system around you? Are you thankful there is treatment to manage your illness? Try and find a place you can self reflect, there is no limit to how many things you can be grateful for, small and large.

• Find an open door. The saying goes “when one door closes, another door opens.” The life you once had needs to be adjusted. Try and find a new opportunity about being diagnosed with chronic illness such as using your experience to inspire others.

• Having a chronic illness is like having a job, because you will need to take days off, which I call rest days.

• Surround yourself with those who will give you grace for mistakes and hard times. They are the ones who will love you and conditionally and tell you how awesome and inspiring you are.

• Look at funny YouTube clips that make you laugh.

• Do something that someone else will appreciate, knowing that you helped someone else can boost your confidence and self esteem

• Be nice to others, smile, strike up a conversation with you next door neighbour the local postman

Think positively about yourself (The Most important!)

• Use self affirming language such as “I am myself, unique, special.” If you have ongoing negative thoughts such as ‘I feel like a failure. I feel useless. I feel like a burden to my network of people.’ you will begin to believe this and not live out the life you truly want (living with chronic illness, p. 15).When you are experiencing positive emotions like joy, contentment, and love, you will see more possibilities and your life. Positive emotions broaden your sense of possibility and opens your mind up to more experiences and help to build new skills and resources that can provide value in other areas of your life.

• Identify and challenge all of the negative thoughts you have going through your head

• Your positive thoughts are a key skill that helps you develop resilience. People who are resilient have the ability to face trauma, by looking at how the problem can be resolved, instead of giving up. Resilience is doing your best to make the most of your situation and having the strength to ask for help when needed.

“Seek joy, play often, and pursue adventure. Your brain will do the rest.” — Unknown